2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or
later, you'll inhale a bee.

3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just
leave me alone.

4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take
another road. That's why the highway department made so many of
them.

5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing
gets the message across like a good mooning.

6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

7. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to
steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone.
That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to
it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

9. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food
groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine
group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-
of-the-fridge-is" group.

10. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car
windows are down.

11. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess
on the neighbor's car!

12. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to
remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or
an Indian burn.

13. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a
blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay
over.

14. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

15. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the
wheel, it's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.

16. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your
land.