posted
How to tell whether or not you are ready to have children: > > 1.) The Mess Test: > Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet > flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish > stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. > > 2.) The Toy Test: > Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may > substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all > over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. > Do not scream. This could wake a child at night. > > 3.) The Grocery Store Test: > Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as > you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything > they eat or damage. > > 4.) The Dressing Test > Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making > sure that all arms stay inside. > > 5.) The Feeding Test: > Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the > ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls > of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, > while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the > floor. > > 6.) The Night Test: > Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. > Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag > until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, > pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a > dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up > and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. > > 7.) The Physical Test (Women): > Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. > Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. > > 8.) The Physical Test (Women and Men): > Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk > to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head > office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. > Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. > > 9.) The Final Assignment > Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can > improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's > table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that > they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. > It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
Posts: 3134 | From: Ramsey, MN
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